Bedazzled Mirror Marks Husband’s Artsy Fartsy Limit at Dogwood Festival

If only someone would dedicate their entire artistic life to painting brightly colored fish.. oh, they have.

PIEDMONT PARK–A faux-gem-encrusted mirror put Frank Lee Boehring, a Conyers husband and father of two, over his artsy fartsy limit on Saturday afternoon at the Dogwood Festival. Boehring stated that he normally “Has a pretty high tolerance” for “hand-crafted quasi-artistic crap” but Saturday’s levels were far too high.

“We weren’t even supposed to be here. What happened to the monsoon rain we were supposed to get?”

Boehring, an aquatic electrician by trade, was dismayed when the storm reportedly heading for Atlanta failed to materialize, leaving the city with sparkling clear skies and sunny-but-cool temperatures.

“I thought I was going to be spending Saturday ignoring my kids and playing video games thanks to the rain, but oh no. Ended up cutting the stupid grass and then getting dragged through a mountain of hand-painted mailboxes and whatnot.”

Boehring, charged with piloting the jog-stroller containing his two young children while his wife meandered in and out of artist’s stalls, finally reached his artsy-fartsy limit when Ms. Boehring paused non-ironically to admire a mirror with fake gems hot glued artistically about its perimeter.

“I was just standing there, looking at my wife looking at that mirror, and I just thought, you know, the hell with it. She’s gonna buy that horrible mirror, and then those fake gems are gonna start falling off in about two weeks, and I don’t even care anymore.”

“Screw it,” he added.