Bank of America Skyscraper Slouches A Bit To Seem Less Tall

Buildings have feelings too. Really tall ones. PHOTO: connor.carey

600 PEACHTREE ST–Experts warn that the hazing heaped on the Bank of America Plaza is causing the building to slouch a bit in order to seem less noticeable.

“Why can’t everyone just leave me alone?” the Bank of America Plaza said, speaking via seismometer. “I’m not bothering them. I can’t help it they built me to be tall. God, sometimes I wish I could just disappear!”

At 1043 feet tall, the skyscraper is not only the tallest building in Atlanta, but the tallest in Georgia, the tallest in the Western Hemisphere outside of Chicago and New York City, the tallest in any U.S. state capitol, and the 43rd tallest in the world.

The building went on to reveal that the most cutting sentiments reportedly come from the city’s second tallest building, Sun Trust Plaza, who has openly criticized the Bank of America building on numerous occasions.

“The Bank of America building is a dork,” the Sun Trust Plaza said. “First of all, it doesn’t even look finished. Look at its top! It’s supposed to be taller than me, but somehow I have more floors, and my top looks totally completed.”

“Hey, Bank Of America!” the Sun Trust Plaza said. “When they gonna finish you, huh? Probably never, you phony!”

Engineer Elle R. Vator, skyscraper specialist, leads a team of building counselors trying to help quell the tension.

“It is not uncommon for buildings to be in conflict one another in the hustle and bustle of city life,” Vator said. “Keep in mind, the Bank of America Plaza and the Sun Trust Plaza were completed the very same year, and are only twenty years old. I think we all know how twenty-year-olds can be…”

Vator pointed out that later on in life the Bank Of America building would be glad of the extra height, in case it ever wants to play basketball, or reach things that are a little higher up.

“Yeah maybe,” said the skyscraper. “Right now it just sucks.”