Attractive Woman Proud to be a Nerd, Won’t Talk to Nerd

OMG guys I am such a nerd! Ew, get away. PHOTO: Phil King

ATLANTA–Maria Popper’s Facebook page was bursting with accolades from friends and associates on her new hair cut, which hangs slightly in her face. In response to questions about the vintage dress in the photo, Popper responded “Oh, I know. I’m such a nerd!”

As soon as the word “nerd” escaped her lips, she knew she’d never felt so free in her life.

“Ever since I described myself that way, as a ‘nerd,’ I’ve just felt so amazing” said Popper, making careful air quotes with her hands, one of which was holding an iPhone, the other a latte. “Like, it’s totally okay to be really into my looks and the clothes I wear. Nerding out is cool!”

But Steve “DarkBlade” Rogers, leader of the online role-playing web site Hellblast and part-time caretaker of his great aunt Myrtle, isn’t so sure. Rogers spoke to Atlanta Banana reporters from the crawlspace under his Aunt Myrtle’s home.

“As soon as I saw Maria’s facebook post about being a nerd,” said Rogers, insisting he be referred to as “DarkBlade.” “I thought, ‘finally!'”

Rogers and Popper met at school in the third grade, and shared classes on and off since that time.

Said Rogers, “I invited her to come over via Facebook, but she never responded. I thought maybe her computer was broken or something, so I also called her mom’s house. No response there either. So, I tracked down the photographer from her photo shoot via the EXIF data in his photos, but he said he can’t release model contact information.”

“It’s almost like she doesn’t want to talk to me,” said Rogers.

“I do not want to talk to him,” said Popper, later that day. “He offered my photographer friend ten bitcoins to give up my cell phone number. What the hell is a bitcoin? Ugh.”