Atlanta Streetcar Named as New Falcons Head Coach


ATLANTA–The Atlanta Falcons announced this morning that starting with early training in 2015 the team will be coached by local transit sensation the Atlanta Streetcar. Arthur Blank, Falcons team owner and exorbitant lumber enthusiast, said the team needed a symbol like the streetcar.

“People have tried to stop the streetcar at all stages of its development, but they have failed,” said Blank. “Up to and including crashing their cars into it. But, like a running back punching through a defensive line, the Streetcar charges onward.”

Blank then added, “Plus we’ll get free rides. It’s like MARTA without the pee smell.”

As a nonhuman conveyance, the Streetcar wasn’t available for comment, but as of press time every reporter in the city was willing to RT any selfie taken inside the streetcar by any citizen.