Atlanta Rain Ignores Chants, Doesn’t Go Away

Aw man, more rain? Guess I'll try this chant again. PHOTO: John Gilchrist

ATLANTA– meteorologist Dr. Claudia Skize reports this morning that an unusually obstinate weather pattern has taken hold of the Atlanta metropolitan area, refusing to heed the chants which normally cause a break in the showers.

“Pretty much 90 percent of my job is repeating these chants over and over again,” said Skize via phone. “Usually the weather listens, but this storm system is peculiarly stubborn.”

Skize then excused herself, put the phone down, and ran up three flights of stairs to check on current conditions using the massive weather rock installed atop’s north Atlanta headquarters. The rock is the basis for all forecasts. She returned moments later.

“Yep, the rock’s still wet. It was moving a bit too, so there could be some wind. Or possibly a small earthquake. Hard to tell. I couldn’t see it that well, which means fog.”

When asked why the team doesn’t use radar or computer analysis to predict weather, Dr Skize pointed out that those devices are very good at revealing what the weather is doing right now, but terrible at predicting what it will do even just five minutes ahead of time.

“We tossed all that crap in the trash and got ourselves a big ass rock on a wooden tripod three years ago. No one’s called us on it yet.”