Atlanta Radio Will Compete with Internet By Reporting the Time More Often

PHOTO: Roadside Guitars

ATLANTA, GA–Sources close to Atlanta’s radio elite are saying this morning that a secret meeting has resulted in a new initiative to defeat internet and mobile entertainment once and for all: they will state the time of day on air more often.

“People can look at their phones or their computer and instantly read the time, which is currently 43 minutes past the 8 o’clock hour. That takes attention away from the sonorous voices of radio, where attention belongs,” said Mark Guglielmo, radio expert and secret meeting attendee.

Guglielmo said the time would be reported at the end of every sentence, except in cases where the sentence took less than a minute to pronounce, or in cases where marketing copy is being read. “It’s still 8:43 AM,” he added.

Also decided at the meeting: out-of-market voice talent must reveal their location. “Our listeners found out from the Internet that some of our on-air talent don’t live in Atlanta, and seemed annoyed. So, out-of-market talent will be required to not only report the time, which is now 8:47AM, but their location.”

“Suck on that, internet!” he said. “Also, it’s 8:48AM.”

[Thanks to Rich Sullivan for help with today’s idea. He reports the time weekdays 12-2pm on 640WGST. –Ed]