Assault Rifle Used to Replace Rickety Table Leg

These things are everywhere in the bad sections of town. PHOTO: Unknown

ATLANTA–As anyone who watches the news knows, assault rifles are literally everywhere in our city. They pile up in drifts in alleyways and clatter over one another when the wind blows. So prevalent are these horrifying weapons that some are actually being used as building materials.

“Well, you know, there are just so many of the dang things around,” said Randy Flagg, evildoer and part-time scofflaw. “I figured I might as well use one to fix that old card table.”

Flagg duct taped the rifle, an Avtomat Kalashnikova model 47, to the card table’s broken leg, extending it to match the length of the other three legs.

“Fat Tommy sat on it, yeah,” said Flagg. “That’s how the leg got all broke.”

When asked if he’d ever fired one of the many rifles piled about his yard, Flagg said he couldn’t afford any ammunition.

“Naw. Dang bullets are a buck apiece,” he said. “That’s even more than cigarettes.”