Apple’s New iPhone 5C Will Have Multiple Colors of NSA Wiretap

I'm sick of the old black and white wiretaps. Thanks Apple! PHOTO: Sean MacEntee

CUPERTINO–Apple announced Tuesday the new iPhone will come with multiple vibrant colors of NSA wiretap devices rather than the sterile black and white cases previously available. The popular phone manufacturer expects to sell “a shitload” of the handsets this Christmas season.

“No longer do our customers have to settle for regular black or white wiretapping devices,” said Paul Sherman, Apple VP of Global U.S. Hegemony. “When the Naional Security Agency is probing every detail of our users’ private lives, it will be via a ‘Enthusiastic Fuschia’ or ‘Limesplosion’ colored device.”

The wiretap device also functions as a phone, camera, and driving impairment, services which Sherman says are still in place and better than ever thanks to upgraded phone hardware.

He also said the new lower price point, said to be $99 USD, will allow a greater percentage of the population to be spied upon.